Friday, January 15, 2010

Worthy of HIS love

I am working on reading another book to review and while it's not the best book I've ever read (hard to stick with it if you will!) It has brought some interesting things to mind. It speaks of the distorted image some of us have of God. Generally it is from past relationships with parents or other important family members.

What an interesting thought!

I have felt through this whole entire journey that I am having a terrible time relating to God, understanding him and feeling his love. Through the annulment process I have been forced to go back and remember some very unpleasant times in my life from childhood to present. Now put that with what I'm reading in this book and I think.. well, it's no wonder I'm struggling with this relationship (spiritually)!!

Aknowledgement is often the first step or so I'm told so here goes another unfamiliar step in my journey. But oh how much I am learning! About everything from the divine to my inner self.

It has been an extremely unpleasant experience to go through all of this. It has brought back many painful memories and leaves me drained each day. But, I know it is for good. I know that in the end there will be healing and knowledge and hopefully a breakthrough in this struggle.

My ex husband sent me a message earlier that he did call the church today and left them some type of contact phone number. Thanks be to God!!! This should make the process smoother because they wont be searching for him. I am still praying to enter the church at Easter with my son but will follow Gods timeline with as much grace as I can muster :-)

I didn't really want to focus on the negative here but this is a real part of my process and jouney into the church and I don't know if when looking back it wont be a pivitol one so I am not going to silence it.

I am so grateful!!

  1. that my ex did indeed call with some of his contact info

  2. that our parish is blessed with such a wonderful Deacon

  3. for friends we are meeting through the church (I brought our secretary's daughter home with me to play with the kids today while they are out of school.) and it is awesome to walk into the office and be greeted by name by smiling faces!

  4. for this process

  5. for my family (some of whom will also have to recount this relationship as witnesses)

  6. for Grace

  7. for our Heavenly Father

  8. for Hope


Anne said...

I love your new background, and the picture with this post is beautiful! Wonderful gratitude list! May God continue to bless you on your journey!

Thou Art Jules said...

Thank you Anne!

Katie said...

I had a lot of issues in my relationship with God because of my abusive father, so I can relate! I realized as an adult that it was the driving force behind my atheism when I was younger. I might have to check that book out :)

Good luck with the annulment process!

Thou Art Jules said...

I was amazed when I read it because wow what an extraordinary role we have in our childrens lives! Also those that we allow to have an important role in their lives as well!

You are welcome to this book when I'm finished with it. I've wanted to start some sort of book swap for some time now :-) Let me know if you are interested!

Mary333 said...

Your blog looks beautiful!
I had a very distorted image of God when I was younger. I am the child of a bi-polar, alcoholic father [though he hasn't touched a drink for years, now]. God had to heal me to get past this, I was projecting an earthly image on God the Father and needed deep healing before I could have a close relationship with Him. Now I know how much He loves each one of us :)

Thou Art Jules said...

Thanks Mary! I think this is where a huge block lies for me. My father was not abusive but he was not approachable. I still get very nervous and cry when I have to tell him I did something wrong or ask him for something. I definitely need to work on this!

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