2009

I've been going through old journals for 2009. They were sketchy at best and I still can't seem to import my old one here. I get an error every time even though it's the right type of file.

Jan - I don't have much written for January of 2009. I know that Obama was inaugurated which was not a happy day for me. No, I'm not an Obama supporter. I secured a great job with Alltel in wireless sales in January as well.

Feb - I have nothing written for February. Maybe I was working too hard lol. I know I was still working on losing weight.

Mar - I only wrote about weight loss in march.

Apr - I was hitting top sales for my store and region with Alltel and on top of the world. Casey my oldest turned 18 in April. Verizon officially announced the buyout of Alltel in April and I believe I found out my position was cut. Very stressful times trying to apply for open positions with Verizon in other geographic locations.

May - Lots happened in May. I interviewed for jobs with Verizon Wireless in three different locations that were within an hour of our house. I had my first severe "episode" which they are now saying was some sort of panic or anxiety disorder. My oldest daughter went to the hospitol after taking some pills that she got off someone that weren't what they were suppose to be. I have to say that was the absolute my horrifying experience of my life! She ended up taking a dose 4x what would be prescribed for her weight of an anti psychotic medication that is generally used in institutional settings. She had seizures, her hands were curled up, her neck bent back, her eyes rolled back in her head. After about 24 hours she was alright again but scared to death. We learned alot about ourselves with that experience. So much to deal with that month. I was also offered a position with Verizon Wireless in Charlottesville, VA. There was a light at the end of the tunnel.

June - I was put on high bloodpressure meds and working in Charlottesville. My commute was 50 mins one way. The job was so stressful at first. We didn't know what we were doing. I had no training because I was not originally retained. I was leaving home at 8 or 9 and getting home at 7 or 8. I was still having episodes and would have to call Kevin to talk to me until I got to work. I had to leave the floor several times to let them pass. This month I was diagnosed with complex migraines.

July - I transferred to a new store in harrisonburg. This one was about 35 mins from home. Much better. Episodes were coming more frequently. Had blood work done. Tried changing my bloodpressure meds to no avail. Katelin turned 15 this month! Casey graduated High School this month!!!! She also moved in with her boyfriend :-(

Aug - Still staying on top with sales. #1 in my store, #4 in our zone! I was hitting up every training I could find trying to learn and do even better. My sales were extraordinary! In Aug I went to the ER for a really bad episode. I started having to talk myself to work every day. I felt like a zombie all day, kinda zoned out. I tried walking, cutting caffeine and every other thing I could think of. Nothing helped. I visited the ER twice this month. I had a CAT scan, EKG etc but no answers.

Sep - My episodes got the best of me. I went to the ER again and my doc. They put me out of work for testing. I was approved for Short Term Disability. I had MRI's, EEGs, blood tests and saw a neurologist. I even made an appointment with a psychologist at this point. I started on anti anxiety and anti panic meds. Brandon turned 12 this month. I was to go back to work on the 30th.

Oct - I quit my job. I had to either go back or quit. My doctor would not approve more time off so I left. Lost my insurance, prescription, and weekly paycheck. I earned $37,000 in 7 months with this job. I then got depressed! Really depressed! I think I started this blog around this time.

You will notice that there aren't alot of details. Some of this is from memory. My old blog was a weight loss blog. I didn't post alot of personal info there and I have a bad habit of posting more negatives than positives. I guess that's normal because it helps to get it out but it also keeps me from looking back at the positives. I will make an effort to post all the good stuff this year! The second half of this year has been really tough. We have found ourselves in the worst financial state we've ever been in. Sometimes I blame myself because my lack of income is really what has put us under. But I know that I will get better. I will get back to work, I will lose this weight and it will be OK.

Notice how many times I said "I"

I'm not going to go back and correct that because I (there it is again) really need to pray more and let God lead me through this year. So it would be WE or US!