So very much to say!

There really is SO much to say! I hope you all don't get bored reading it all.

First off, I am watching the debate and upcoming vote on health care and I just have to say I'm scared. I'm worried but I also do not know what is best. I know what I think but I sincerely believe that everything happens for a reason. If this passes and it's not good, good will come out of it in the end. Some may think that is looking through rose colored glasses but I believe sometimes you have to sink to the bottom of the pit before you realize you might need to find a way out. I've seen this happen with so many things. Relationships, growing up, friendships, religion and the list goes on. Sometimes things just have to get bad to get better. I hope that's not the case but I hold firm to the belief that good will come.

We had a cookout with family at my brothers house today. He is home now since Friday and looks and sounds good. He has appeared to be on the right track for months and hopefully this "time away" will concrete that for him. The kids played basketball and I got the chance to talk religion with my Mom, daughter and my brothers girlfriend. It was lovely and the weather was so beautiful!

Today was my first confession! I have to say that I did not have a "huge" experience. Yes, it felt good but I think it felt good on an expected level. I was not as prepared as I wanted to be. I forgot to take some stuff with me so Father had to tell me what to say and when. I have received my first penance. Is that the right word? It surely doesn't seem like enough! :-) Considering what history shows people paying for their sins.. this is nothing. I now fully understand the saying "I'm not worthy!" Because He died for our sins. Not to cover them but to wash them away.. It is funny how things slowly sink in. I was telling my family today that with everything people might say about the Catholic Church, you can't say they haven't thought some of this stuff out lol. It sure makes sense when you are going through it. I still feel overwhelmed. I still don't know nearly what I think I should. I still feel like I should be studying 24 hours each day. But, the process works! If I had just walked in one Sunday, walked up to the front and was accepted I doubt very seriously that I would be where I am now. I'm sorry but it would've been too easy! I'm so happy for the process and hope to be a part of it in the near future.

Brandon had his 3rd scrutiny today as well. It was beautiful. Msr did the Mass and the children got to go all the way up front this time. Afterwards when we were dismissed one little girl (she's 9) told me that it was different than before. I asked her how it was different. She said they went all the way up and it was a different priest. Then she shrugged and said she didn't know. I asked her if it just "felt" different. Her eyes lit up and she said "Yes!" It was really cool.

I heard back from the tribunal this week. They received the notice back from my ex-husband. It returned that he didn't live there. I have issued a plea to him online to call the tribunal directly and am praying that he will do that. I know that I will be crushed if I cannot be brought into full communion with the church with everyone else. But, again... I believe everything happens for a reason and I am trusting.