Sunday, October 10, 2010

When Your Brain Gets in the Way

I feel like I am doing this alot. I am searching just like the lady above. Of course her jean size is much smaller than mine but that doesn't have anything to do with the search I am speaking of!

I have been searching for God for years. I feel like I cannot find him. I feel alone and confused. I read so many posts by fellow bloggers that are so filled with faith and grace. I feel like there is a roadblock that has been placed in the middle of my road. I hope it wasn't placed there by me because it would be pretty idiotic to struggle against a roadblock that I had already set up. If that's the case I should know how to get around it! Right? lol

I want communion with our Father. I want to feel his presence and his love. Why can't I? I go to those bad places where I think there must be something horribly wrong with me that I cannot grasp this one basic yet life altering truth. I believe it to be truth but I feel sometimes like I'm staring at a red wall and all the while calling it a blue wall.

I feel like my analytical brain has taken over completely. I feel like I can't just feel anymore. I don't know if this makes any sense to anyone else or not... I feel uncapable of feeling HIS love. Unable to "get it!" I have always been an analyzer. I analyze everything. This is something I cannot analyze and I know that. But that's what makes it so hard for me. I read, I pray, I learn, I listen but for some reason I just cannot FEEL it!

I try to live by faith alone. My belief doesn't really falter but I walk through life feeling like I have one foot in and one outside. That's if the one foot is even all the way in! Perhaps I just have my toes in the eternal waters?

I am as I've said before, an infant in the faith. I don't know all of the bible, I haven't even read it all just once. I'm working on it. I'm praying every day and throughout my days.

My question to my readers today is. How do I turn my brain off? How do I live life as a Christian and actually believe that I'm doing it "right?" not that I think I can do it completely right - I get that but just to know I'm on the right track... in the ballpark... on the same planet even?

If anyone has any good resources for new christians I would be forever grateful if you would share them with me :-)


Mrs. White said...

I don't know if this will help or not, but...

I've done this on several occasions - it's like a fast (but not from food). You take a break from technology, (tv, etc) newspapers, shopping (other than necessities), and just spend time reading spiritual books, the Bible, listening to hymns/gospel, etc. (Continue with homemaking tasks, of course.) It could be for a day, or a week (better) or a month (best). (It's like a break from the world and all its problems!)

An excellent book to help with developing a joyous,peaceful faith is "Stepping Heavenward." It is a novel and was written in the 1800's. It has helped hundreds of thousands of women.

Mrs. White

brandyreneebruce said...

Fun blog! I'm going to link to it on my blogroll!

Colleen said...

You didn't let your brain get in the way on this post. Your words were straight from the heart. Beautiful really.
Some advice? Pray. Pray at the same time everyday. Think of it as an appointment with God that you cannot break. Find the right time for you and the right place. Pick a favorite chair or room or corner of a room.
I cannot tell you what to pray. Let God tell you. Read some scripture. Sit in silence. Read a devotional - there are plenty online. In order to have a personal relationship with God, you need to spend regular time with him. Like you would with a friend.
God bless!

brandyreneebruce said...

Jules, I meant to come post again on here when I had a little more time! I wanted to say that I LOVED your honesty in this post. I have struggled for a long time with faith. From what I can tell, you want an authentic faith. Forget about all those posts out there that seem written by super-spiritual people who never doubt. We all do. But doubt is scary and sometimes delving into it can make people nervous. It's okay to have these feelings and it's healthy to share them. I'll be praying for you on this journey. Your faith doesn't have to look like anyone else's. Your journey doesn't have to look like anyone else's. My friend once told me that if you seriously look for God, wanting to find Him, you will. I believe that. You might want to stop by and read this post I recently wrote on a similar issue.

God bless!

Alise said...

To be honest, I'm not sure that we're meant to turn our brains off. The Bible includes loving God with our whole mind, so to me that indicates that our brains should remain in the "on" position! ;-D

Beyond that, if you "know" that you're doing it right, is it really faith? I don't really have "faith" that gravity works. I have seen that it works for 36 years, so there's no real faith needed. When I have an element of doubt in the equation, then I can have true faith.

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