Wednesday, October 20, 2010

It has been almost 10 years ago since the time came that I gave up on my marriage. 

It's my favorite time of the week again! It's Wifey Wednesday over at To Love Honor and Vacuum with Sheila Gregoire! Hop on over there and join us!

Sheila has been talking about simplifying your life lately on her blog. As with every Wednesday however, we are looking to marriage. Sheila asked a question at the end of her post today. "Have you ever had to change your attitude towards your spouse?"
 Well, honestly I have to change my attitude right often! I'm horribly sarcastic and arguably a smart a#$ most of the time. I do this involuntarily and battle changing the habit daily!

But seriously..

It has been almost 10 years ago since the time came that I gave up on my marriage. 

10 years ago I was lost. I was in my mid 20's, a stay at home mom of 3 little ones. I was struggling with life on all levels. I didn't know what I believed in, I didn't know who to turn to but I did know one thing. I was MISERABLE!

In my little mind at the time, my husband who was out of work with a shoulder injury was the problem. He was on the computer all the time (never mind that I was as well!) He was talking with other women online (I overlooked the fact that I was doing the same thing!)

So, one evening I told him I thought we should consider a separation.

He left.

I didn't really want him to leave.. I wanted to discuss a separation.. but he left.

I did everything except lay down in front of the car to keep him from leaving.

I then felt small and insecure and unwanted.

If he wouldn't even talk about it then he must've wanted it too. Maybe he wanted a separation even more than I did!

So, I hardened myself. I went through each day unsure of where the bill money would come from. I fed the children enough hotdogs and macaroni and cheese to probably completely disrupt their growth patters for life! I put on a pretty face and pretended that everything was OK.

Everything was not OK. I was still miserable.

Thanks to the Grace of God, 6 months later my husband and I reconciled! It was not easy. There was another woman involved and there was so much hurt. We went to marriage counseling for quite a while and slowly began to heal.

I will never forget one of the first evenings that he was back home. I decided to give him a massage. I was massaging his body and tears began to roll down my face. I'm not talking a few tears here but streaming and eventually sobbing tears.

Somehow in the years before the separation I had forgotten who my husband was. We were so disconnected! That night as I rubbed lotion into his skin I felt so ashamed! I vowed to never let this happen again.

Society tells us to treat marriages as disposable relationships. However just like when you toss a styrofoam plate in the trash.. it never goes away! That plate might get crunched up and it may even get burried in a landfill but it never goes away. It is always lurking beneath the surface and sometimes perhaps peeking up from beneath the soil. Marriage is the same way. You cannot throw it away. It doesn't go away. It stays whether you bury it or not - it is always there!

I still need to remind myself of this night of massage and enlightenment sometimes. It has been 10 years. We are unbelievably lucky! It hasn't always been easy but it sure has been worth it!

I think my husband deserves another massage tonight! It's been too long.

Would you join me tonight? Prepare a special pampering session for your husband and make it all about him.

Let me know how it goes!


brandyreneebruce said...

Such a beautifully written post! It's so easy to take people for granted and it's great to be reminded to treasure our spouses.

P.S. I really like the fall-ish look of the blog. :)

Living on Love and Cents said...

Hello! I am so happy to find your blog! I am stopping by from the ifellowship hop. I look forward to reading more from you! I'd love for you to Stop by and follow me too!

Sheila said...

Wow, Jules, what a beautiful story! I'm so glad you're back together again.

But isn't that usually how people separate--almost by accident? You didn't really want him to go, he didn't even necessarily want to go, but it seemed to be what SHOULD happen, because you weren't happy.

How much better to work it out, as you found! So I'm really happy for you and for him and for your beautiful children!

Cherie said...

Can I say how happy I am that you ultimately did not give up on your marriage? You are right that society teaches us that relationships are disposable, but that is not what God thinks! So happy to you are doing well again!

Thou Art Jules said...

Hi Brandy! It's so true that we tend to take those closest to us for granted easily. Lucky for us they are usually the ones that forgive us quickly.

Revisiting this story is good for me because it keeps me in check :-)

I like the new page too! I have a hard time finding something I really like.

Thou Art Jules said...

Sheila! You are right it usually happens that way. Luckily we've learned our lesson. We stay now and we work it out eventually. Leaving is not an option for us anymore.

Of course as you've run into with your blog, there are situations that are much different that involve abuses but for situations like ours I believe it's almost always best (if not always!) to stay and pray :-)

Thou Art Jules said...

Thanks for stopping by Cherie!

Living on love and cents, I'm headed over to visit you right now :-)

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